Wizards vs Vampires
by MySterlingObsession
Summary: What happens when the Wizards of Harry Potter and the Vampires of Twilight meet?


This is a story I wrote years ago and completely forgot about until two days ago. :] Enjoy

Wizards **V.S** Vampires

It was a windy field, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. All was peaceful and quiet, except for a wandering squirrel here and there. Almost in the blink of an eye, appeared a tall, lanky, and pale teenager. About the age of seventeen or eighteen. He had brilliant ocher eyes, blood-red lips, tousled hair, and his only imperfection was the dark bruises under his eyes. It looked like he had not slept in days, yet he seemed energized and a little nervous. His name was Edward Cullen, and he was a vampire.

Joining him immediately was his wife, Bella Cullen. Her face had some resemblance to that of her husband, but yet she was different. Again, she had that gorgeous complexion, ocher eyes, blood-red lips, pale skin and at the sight of those characteristics, I knew that she, too, was a vampire.

Right behind Bella came a steady stream of vampires, each unique, but still having those marks of a vampire. There was Emmett Cullen, Edward's bulky and muscular brother, who had a face of pure enjoyment, almost excitement of what was to come in that field. Right by his side was Rosalie Cullen, Emmett's wife, and also the pure incarnation of beauty. Rosalie was, indeed, the girl that every man in the world would desire, and the girl that would make even the most beautiful and elegant model feel self-conscious and fat.

Then there came little Alice Cullen. Alice had a cute pixie cut and had an uncanny ability to predict the future. She was the whole reason these vampires were gathered here today. Her husband, Jasper, was muscular but it was nothing compared to his brother, Emmett. Then came the founder of the Cullens, Carlisle, and his wife Esme.

Behind the Cullens, were many, many, _many_, vampires of all shapes and sizes, taking up the whole left side of the field.

And then they started to wait. They were still as statues, never moving never talking. After about ten minutes, Edward whispers to Alice, "How much longer?"

"Fifty seconds," She answers.

And true enough, in fifty seconds, no more, no less, appear the wizards.

The wizards were clearly being led by a boy named Harry Potter. He had a lighting shaped scar on his forehead and was quickly joined by Hermione Granger, his super intelligent best friend. Right after Hermione came the redheaded Ron Weasley. Ron was Harry's other best friend who has been known to be afraid of spiders. As soon as Ron spots Emmett, he lets out a little whimper of terror. Even though it was little, it didn't stop Emmett's super sensitive ears from hearing it. Emmett laughs.

Soon enough, apparating wizards fill up the whole right side. There were students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and there were aurors. There were all kinds of wizards, all fighting for one common goal, to stop the vampires.

When Hermione spots George, Ron's older brother, she goes over to him in a hurry.

"George, did you bring the garlic?" she asks him, leaning towards the hole on the side of his head. His ear had been chopped off during a battle with Death Eaters. "You betcha. Lots and lots of garlic", he responds, gesturing to the bags and bags and bags of awful smelling garlic carried by almost every wizard in the field.

Edward, back at the left field, is hearing every single thought that is going through their opponents mind. That is his gift, he can mind-read. He is particularly concentrating on the half-giant, Hagrid, as he looks to be the strongest one, but all Edward is getting from him is, _Think like Dumbledore. What would he do? 'Ee would zap all them brains off in one flick 'o his wand. If they's even have brains. _

Meanwhile, back in the right field, Luna Lovegood and her father, Xenophilius, were praying to all the lawn gnomes in the field so they could help them by tripping all the vampires.

Suddenly, Harry's old girlfriend, Cho Chang comes up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione and says, "Doesn't the one in the middle look like Cedric Diggory?"

They all turn to look at Edward Cullen. The Ron says "Hey. You're right, Cho. That slimy git. What a traitor."

"Oh, _please_, Ron! That's _clearly _not Cedric. Cedric is _dead!_" says Hermione, referring to that day during fourth year at Hogwarts, in the Triwizard Tournament where Voldemort killed Cedric.

While Ron and Hermione were arguing whether Edward was really Cedric, Edward turns to Alice and said, "So, what chance do we have of winning?"

"Hmm… it's hard to tell. They've got brooms."

The whole left side erupted into murmurs and the occasional "So, what if they can fly? Its not like they'll get a chance", supplied by Emmett.

Finally, when Harry gave the signal, all the wizards took out their wands from their robes.

"Ha. They've got sticks." Said Emmett, rolling with laughter.

"They're not sticks, they're wands", said Carlisle.

So now the whole field was quiet. The wizards and the vampires, face to face, about to find out who is the best.

"Hey, Harry", says Ron, "Do you think we'll be able to beat 'em?"

"Yeah. I mean we killed _Voldemort_, for heavens sake. These are just a couple of vamps. They've got nothing on us."

"Actually, Harry," Hermione says, "_You _were the one that killed You-Know-Who. We just stood in the back and watched."

Harry ignored Hermione's statement and said "Everyone ready?"

Every witch and wizard in that field held their wand up high, ready to strike at any moment.

The vampires lowered themselves into a deadly crouch and let a hiss or two escape from their mouths.

Harry gripped his wand tightly. He knew that vampires were fast. _Very fast. _But he knew if he could get a distraction, he only needed a distraction, he could beat them. Especially the one that looks like Cedric Diggory.

In that minute, two very important things happen. One, Jacob Black comes running in, but to all the wizards he's just some gigantic dog. Hagrid says "Would ye look at the size 'o that pup! I sure would like ter own one of thems…."

And two, Jacob transforms into his human self. From this erupts a lot of commotion from the side of the wizards. Ron says "Whoa. For I second there I thought that was Sirius Black."

"Honestly, Ron. Can't you see Harry is right here?" said Hermione, annoyed.

"THAT'S NOT _SIRIUS _BLACK! THAT'S _JACOB _BLACK!" shouts Emmett, from all the way across the field.

From all around people start talking.

George says, "Who in Fred's name is Jacob Black?"

Neville Longbottom says, "Is he and Sirius related?"

Ginny Weasley says, "I thought Sirius was dead!"

Harry says, "Is he an animagus?"

And at that thought even more people start talking rapidly. Fleur Delacour, Bill Weasley's wife, starts talking in rapid French.

And then Jacob Black himself shouts "RELAX! I'M JUST A WEREWOLF!"

And at that statement, Teddy Lupin, Remus Lupin's son, says, "NO YOU'RE NOT! I'M A WEREWOLF! YOU NEED A FULL MOON TO TRANSFORM!"

"THAT'S JUST A MYTH!" replies Jacob Black.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A MYTH!"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!"

"MAYBE I AM. ONCE YOU ADMIT THAT YOU ARE NOT A WEREWOLF!" screams Ted.

"THEN WHAT AM I? FRIED CHICKEN?"

"SHUT UP!" Roars Emmett.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Yells both Jacob and Ted at the same time.

"How did I _not _see this?" sighs Alice.

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE, JACOB?" Shouts Jasper.

"WELL EXCUSE _ME_, BLOODSUCKER. BUT I HAVE SOME VERY IMPORTANT NEWS TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU." Roars Jacob.

"REALLY? LIKE WHAT?" Yells Emmett.

"ME AND NESSIE ARE GETTING MARRIED!"

"WHAT!" Yells Edward and Bella at the same time.

"Okay, REALLY! How _didn't _I see this coming!" Shouts Alice, annoyed.

"YOU _MONGREL! _HOW DARE YOU GET ENGAGED TO MY DAUGHTER! MY LITTLE RENESMEE!" Yells Bella, enraged.

"Jacob, you have exactly one second to start running before I hunt you down." Says Edward calmly, although you could see right through his face.

"WAIT! I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD YOU THE BEST PART!" says Jacob.

"Oh, no." Says Esme. She hates arguments.

"ME AND NESS ARE GONNA GET MARRIED RIGHT _NOW_! AND _ALL _OF YOU ARE INVITED. EXCEPT YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOU." He says to Ted.

"That's great, Jacob. There's only one problem." Says Jasper.

"What?"

"WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE!"

"Whoops. Well go ahead. I'm gonna go tell the rest of the pack. I'll be back soon."

And with that, he morphed and ran away. Edward and the rest of the vampires stared at the direction of where he disappeared to, but Harry couldn't see it. Now _that _was a great distraction.

Harry heard Ted talking to Charlie, Ron's _other _brother. He was telling him, "Man. I wish I could have that control. Did you see how he just ran off in the direction he wanted…?"

"Never mind _that_. Did you even hear what he said? HE'S GETTING MARRIED TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!"

And to this, once again, the whole right side of the field started talking.

"And I thought my family was weird!" cries Neville.

"Maybe their kids are gonna be half human, half dog, and half _loch ness_." Says Percy, Ron's other brother.

"No, wait. Didn't you hear the vampires? They _gave birth _to the loch ness monster," Says Lavender Brown, Ron's ex-girlfriend.

"SHE'S NOT THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!" roars Bella from across the field.

"WHY DON'T WE JUST POSTPONE THIS BATTLE FOR TOMORROW? SINCE YOU VAMPS ARE OBVIOUSLY HAVING FAMILY MATTERS!" yells Mr. Weasley, Ron's dad.

"OKAY! THAT WORKS!" yells back Carlisle.

"ENJOY THE LAST WEEK YOU HAVE LEFT ALIVE!" screams Emmett.

"OKAY! THANK YOU! JUST SEND US AND OWL SO WE CAN IRON OUR DRESS ROBES FOR THE WEDDING!" Yells Luna pleasantly.

And so the vampires run back into the forest for a delicious feast of Grizzly Bears and Mountain Lions and the wizards either apparate back home, grab a broom and fly home, take a portkey, or if you're Hagrid, you take your giant flying motorcycle. All is peaceful once again in that field. For now…

THE END…?


End file.
